What the Heck

I have been busy at work and have traveling for a while and have not been able to provide you with any extremely humorous or insightful information. During that time I have read, heard, seen or thought about things that make me say “What the Heck?” Here are some of them:

Chastity Bono is becoming a man. As you know, she is the daughter of Sony and Cher. Remember her when she was the cute little blonde tot appearing on the Sonny and Cher show? Her conversion from woman to man is not what makes me say What the Heck. Oh “contrar”, we are frequently seeing men becoming women or women becoming men, so this is not so unusual. Although I must say I am still trying to figure out how they give a woman a “Johnson”, if you know what I mean. When a man wants to become a woman, a simple Swiss Army Knife can do the job. Ok, back to what made me say What the Heck. In this morning’s Huffington Post internet news website, there is an article with a headline that says “Chaz Bono’s Sex Drive Is Up.” Now that is a What the Heck. Is this really news? If my friend Gordon’s sex drive is up I really don’t want to read about it in the Salt Lake Tribune. Can you imagine the conversation with your Mom when she calls?

Mom: Hello Dear how are you?
Me: Fine
Mom: Anything new?
Me: The Lovely Sharon is out of town, the war in Afghanistan is turning more deadly and Chastity Bono’s sex drive is up.
Mom: That’s nice dear, your father says hello.

The John and Kate thing definitely makes me say What the Heck. I will be honest, until a few months ago, I had never heard of John and Kate. I had never seen their show, never knew they had a show, I had never even heard the names John and Kate mentioned together. Then as news articles started appearing mentioning John and Kate and their marriage difficulties, I wondered who they were. I finally asked the Lovely Sharon who John and Kate were. She told me they had a TV show and a lot of kids. The show was about feeding and dressing the kids and stuff like that. I thought Sharon was pulling my leg. You mean actual people are watching a TV show about feeding kids and cleaning the house? I watched an episode that was totally about John making Korean food while Kate was sending email while laying in bed.  Come on, is this the stuff worth spending time on? I cook most of the meals we eat at home. So if you think watching John cook Korean food on TV is entertaining, you should come over to my house and watch me make Risotto in person. It would be like going to the live theater. Hell, I would even give you a glass of wine. Every night there is some news article about John dating, Kate upset, John clearing out the bank out and being ordered to put the money back. Kate had a boob job. John tells the TV network they can’t film any more shows because it is not good for the kids. (These people have so many kids; it is like a litter of puppies.) John and Kate have exploited these kids for years and now he says it is not good for the Kids? Last week there was a news story that John may be dating the OctoMom. Remember her? She was the woman who popped out eight kids at one time while already having a bunch at home. If there were a case for mandatory sterilization, these people should be first in line. I have gone from a virgin, not having heard of these people to now, I know more about them and see them more often than I do my parents or sister. I need to change that.

I read a news story the other day about a young woman who was violently raped and then subsequently denied health insurance because she had a preexisting condition. That is a very serious What the Heck. These insurance companies who want no competition, they extol the virtues of free enterprise, they want no government regulation and they want to deny health coverage because a woman was raped. When I read about this I wonder how any person, Democrat or Republican, could oppose a health insurance option of last resort for people who at the mercy of these corporate jackals. If this is your daughter, would you still say, no public option, the government should not help people get health care coverage. I think not. If this was not a family Blog I would refer to the health insurance companies as “those Bastards”.

One last What the Heck. Last week the Lovely and Sharon and I went to Napa for wine tasting and to a concert in a small town east of San Francisco. We had a lovely time. The concert was by Josh Groban who sang at the home of one of our friends. It was a special evening. One evening we were getting cleaned up and were dressing for dinner. Sharon saw one of my black dress shoes on the hotel room floor. She was putting her makeup on, spied the shoe, turned to me and asked “Did you bring both shoes?” I just looked at her with a What the Heck look. I can’t imagine ever asking her if she brought both the left and the right shoe of a matching pair. Only a woman would ask a man this. A man would never ask a woman or a man if they brought both shoes. A woman would not ask another woman if she brought both shoes, but a woman would definitely ask a man if he brought both shoes. I was totally offended at the question.

When the Lovely Sharon turned back to her makeup, I checked my suit case and was relieved to find the other black shoe.

What the Heck.