There are certain things that a man should just not do, actions he should not take, behavior he should not engage in. Some of us in fact do some of these prohibited things but we shouldn’t. There may be prohibited actions on this list that the men readers think are acceptable to do. But face it, this is my list and if you don’t agree, start your own blog. (Although you are invited to leave comments of any sort). Consider my list of things a man should not do:
A man should never wear capri pants. Let me repeat that: Never, ever, under any circumstances should any man wear Capri pants. If you have to go out in your boxer shorts, do it, but do not wear capri pants.
A man should never refer to the attire his is wearing, or the attire any other man is wearing, as an “outfit". Men wear clothes, pants, shirts, not outfits. For a man, an outfit was his platoon in the army.
A man should never buy or use luggage that is pink, yellow, pastel or flowered. When you and your ten year old granddaughter both have flowered suit cases at the airport you should turn in your man card.
A man should never put a yarn ribbon on his suitcase so he can spot it at the luggage carousel. If you need help in spotting your suitcase, put a USGA tag, a colored piece of plastic or a pork chop on your suitcase. But for heaven’s sake, don’t tie a yellow yarn ribbon around the handle of your suitcase.
A man should never order a salad with the dressing on the side. Many men do this but they shouldn’t. It is fundamentally wrong. If you are worried about the salad dressing, order a steak. If you order a salad with dressing on the side when you are dining with a woman, the first topic of conversation will no doubt be about track lighting or getting your nails done. Can you imagine Indiana Jones ordering a salad with dressing on the side? Of course not. Can you imagine Michael Jackson or former presidential candidate John Edwards ordering a salad with the dressing on the side? You bet you can. What does that tell you?
Unless you are on a tropical island, a man should not order a drink with a little umbrella in it (I must confess I have done this more than once).
A man should never tell another man to turn around so he can check out his pants. This is just plain spooky.
A man should never yell at his wife. She is your wife be nice to her
A man should never yell at any woman. Enough said
A man should never be mean to an animal.
A man should never be abusive to a woman or a child. Its just plain evil.
A man should never cheat at golf. Why play golf if you cheat?
If you are older than 18, you should never wear your hat backwards. If you are older than 18 remember that you are not a member of the Spanky and Our Gang boys. Put your hat on correctly. I would hope that at some point in life people will stop wearing their hats backward. As I reported in a previous bog, not long ago, I accidentally put my boxer shorts on backwards but thankfully the Lovely Sharon spotted it before I put my pants on.
A man should not wear a golf hat in the clubhouse. In Scotland this is a big deal. When you were a boy, I bet your mother did not let you wear a hat in the house. Take your damn hat off when you enter the golf clubhouse.
A man should not confess to watching women’s curling in the winter Olympics. You can watch (I did), but just don’t tell anyone you did (I told) - hey just because these are my rules doesn't mean I follow them all of the time.
A man should never lose interest in looking at women. Until the day they die, men should enjoy looking at the fairer sex. You can be true blue to your own lady without giving up appreciating others from afar. Just because you live on Earth does not mean you cannot enjoy looking at Venus.
A man should never use a straw when drinking from a carton of milk or orange juice. If you are in the hospital you are allowed to do this. Otherwise, it is forbidden.
A man should not enjoy watching Lifetime Channel TV Movies (again, I must confess to doing this)
A man should not own more shoes than his wife. This is one rule that will be impossible for me to break. I am married to the Lovely Sharon. If she had to choose between going to Paris with me and just three pairs of shoes, or by herself and 8 or 10 pairs of shoes, she would be in Paris with her shoes and I would be mowing the lawn by myself in Salt Lake City.
Ladies and Gentlemen feel free to leave comments telling me how correct I am (or how incorrect I am) or what other prohibited actions should be on the list.
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Monday, May 3, 2010
Things a Man Should Not Do
Posted by Bud Headman at 5:15 PM
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It has been quite a while since I read your blog but I certainly tuned in at the right time. I was sorry to have missed the one where you put your boxers on backwards - thank goodness that Lovely Sharon was there! I agreed with many of the rules, however have to dispute the curling rule. The Olympics come around only once every 4 years - you can't watch too much curling!ReplyDelete
By the way, John has had his man card revoked prior to this blog - it was for watching and enjoying Mama Mia!
Bud, just when I think you can't top yourself you do! One of your best yet. I agree with all your rules I'm going to print them off and take them home to my husband and sons to post on the frig.ReplyDelete
What's wrong with Capris?ReplyDelete
Hi Bud, it's Barbara. I'm in Chicago for a visit with my daughter and son-in-law. Just read your latest blog and it was entertaining as usual. Just wanted you to know that I got to read it on an I-Pad. It does not lose anything in transitioning from one electronic marvel to another. Bruce said he is going to go to Royal India every night while I'm gone. If he doesn't call you, I suggest you call him and enjoy the Royal India experience together. Keep the blogs coming. See you soon I hope.ReplyDelete