Shift of Universe

It is that time of year, the Universe has shifted. The Lovely Sharon has arrived back in Utah after seven months in Palm Desert. For me the next several weeks will be filled with cleaning the house (including the Bud Cave), getting the patio furniture out, putting the patios in order and getting the yard ready for summer. Since I have not posted on this blog for a couple of weeks, this entry is your basic report of unrelated events and mostly unconnected events since the last posting.

After walking into the house having been gone for seven months, the Lovely Sharon’s first comment was to ask if there had been an earthquake. When I said no there had not been an earthquake and why was she asking, she responded with,

“Oh, since the cookbook shelves looked so disorderly, I just figured that there must have been an earthquake”.

I know she was taking a shot at me but my response was:

“Oh, please, the books were on the shelf and arranged in that kind of intentionally disorderly manner that is so quaint in country homes in the South of France”.

She didn’t buy it and by the next morning she had reorganized the cook books.

When I have previously blogged that the Lovely Sharon had 120 pairs of golf shoes, she objected and said that was not true. I must confess, she was right and I was wrong. We counted her golf shoes and she indeed does not have 120 pairs; she has 136 pairs of golf shoes. Saturday we built two cabinets for the garage to hold her golf shoes.

Saturday and Monday I played in Hidden Valley Country Club’s Men’s Member –Member tournament with my friend Steve. After trying to provide expert advice to Steve for several holes on Monday, he told me to shut the hell up. So I shut up as requested and he made three pars in a row. Obviously, my prior advice had clicked in for him. Steve and I had 8 bets of $15 per man for the two day tournament and we lost $30.00 each. Not too bad but maybe I should have started giving him golf advice earlier in the tournament.

On Saturday we played against Doug and Dave, I wish I could report on our conversation but I better not. However, on one par five, it took Doug three shots to get from the men’s tees to the ladies tees. He had to pull his pants down twice before his fourth shot. Steve and I won that hole.

On Monday, we played against Eddie and Scotty. After four holes Eddie was one over par having made three pars in four holes. However, on the par 3 second hole over the lake, disaster hit for Eddie and Scotty. On a day when both players’ balls counted for the tournament score, Eddie took a 12. His tee ball went in the lake and he dropped  a ball in front of the lake. Here was the conversation between Eddie and Scotty which took place when Steve and I were waiting on the green:

Scotty: "OK Eddie you are hitting 3, you can still save a 4 or 5."

Eddie: Total silence, no response

The second ball goes into lake

Scotty: "OK Eddie you are hitting 5, you can still save a 6 or 7."

Eddie: Total silence, no response.

The third ball goes in the lake.

Scotty: "OK Eddie you are hitting 7, you can still save an 8 or 9."

Eddie: Makes some moaning, gurgling sounds but words are unintelligible.

The fourth ball goes into the lake.

Scotty "Ok Eddie you are hitting 9" (there was no mention about saving anything.)

Eddie: Looks up toward the heavens, seems to be asking for help but Steve and I cannot hear him from the green.

Eddie finally puts the ball on the green and is laying nine. After three putting, he took 12 on the hole and his mind immediately shifted from golf to thoughts about the oil spill in the gulf, the financial crisis and women’s fashions. For the rest of the day, his eyes were glazed over and he appeared to be in some sort of Buddha trance.

In this same tournament a few years ago I took an 11 on the par 3 seventh hole on a day when both partners’ balls counted for the total score so I know how Eddie felt.

The problem with playing with a fellow who just took an 11 or 12 on a par 3 in a tournament is that for next several holes you walk on eggs shells around him and you have to be nice to him. With my friends, we are never nice to each other on the golf course; it is non-stop harassment of each other. So when a 12 is taken you have to say nice stuff to the unfortunate sod who now wants to slit his wrists.

“Hey Eddie, you can make it up”.
“Nice shirt Eddie, where did you get it”.
“Want a Life Saver candy treat”.
 "What is your favorite movie?"

and so on.

After about three holes, our nice period was over and we started making fun of Eddie's misfortune. Which I must say, he took it in good spirits.

On Sunday the Lovely Sharon and I played Sunday Couples golf with Jim and Terry. It was great to spend time with this couple after seven months apart. Jim had a 36 on the back nine and Terry hit the ball terrifically. Sunday night we went to a party.

So our Universe is back in Utah for the next five months. Cook outs, family, friends, golf and yard work. Sounds wonderful.

PS. Have fun this summer, the days start getting shorter in 20 days.