Important Stuff

I have been thinking about important things lately.  No just kind of important but very important things.  I bet most of you have not thought about these important things.  If not, you need to do start thinking about important things.

What makes ketchup “fancy ketchup”?  Some ketchup has the phrase “fancy ketchup” printed on the bottle.   What does that mean?  Go on to the next paragraph.

Some mixed nut containers reference the nuts as “fancy mixed nuts”.  Some nut containers reference the nuts contained therein as “extra fancy mixed nuts’.  I must say I am perplexed and have no current understanding why some nuts are referred to a mixed nuts, others as mixed fancy nuts and others as extra fancy mixed nuts.  If I buy just mixed nuts, what am I missing? If I give mixed nuts as a gift to a friend are they silently thinking “why didn’t he give me extra fancy mixed nuts or at least fancy mixed nuts?”  If I decide that for the rest of my life, I buy only extra fancy mixed nuts, at my funeral, will I be praised for being kind and helpful and only a partaker of extra fancy mixed nuts?  People will stand over my open coffin looking down at my dead face and say “he only bought extra fancy mixed nuts”

Take your clothes to the cleaners.  What sign to your see?  I will tell what sign you will see, “Professional Dry Cleaner”.  What the hell does that really mean?  Is there any chance you will drop your laundry off at a cleaners that advertises that it is an “amateur dry cleaners”?  If there is not a sign that the particular dry cleaners is a professional dry cleaner, should we assume the dry cleaner is amateur? I don’t think so.  If you pay them to clean your clothes, I think by definition, a paid dry cleaners will be a professional dry cleaner.  Its hard to picture me telling the Lovely Sharon, that “I will be back in a few hours I am going to try to find an amateur dry cleaners to clean my clothes.”

OK, now we move on to Tide laundry detergent.  In the old days you bought Tide.  There was one kind of Tide, a powder that came in several different sizes of boxes.  However, have tried to purchase Tide lately?  It is now incredible complex and the choices seem to be endless.  So when the Lovely Sharon sends me to the store for Tide I have the following choices:

Tide Pods; Tide with Acti-Lift; Tide Plus Bleach; Tide Plus Febreze Sport; Tide Plus Febreze; Tide Free; Tide Plus Downey; Tide HE with Acti-Lift; Tide Coldwater; Tide Boost Original Duo Pac;, Tide Total Care; Tide Free for Coldwater; Ultra Tide; Ultra Tide with Bleach; Tide HE Plus Febreze Sport; Tide HE Free Free; Tide HE plus Febreze; Tide HE Plus Downey; Tide HE Coldwater; Tide HE Free for Coldwater; Tide HE Plus Bleach; Ultra Tide HE; Ultra Tide HE plus Bleach; Ultra Tide Free; Ultra Tide Plus Febreze; Ultra Tide Plus Downey; Ultra Tide for Coldwater; Ultra Tide HE Plus Downey.

Now that’s a lot of Tide Choices.  It drives me crazy. Which one is best for me?  I am thinking about hiring a chemist to assist me in determining what Tide I should buy.

I have been thinking about other important stuff but I will save them for another day.