Repost
Monday, October 5, 2009
Women
“Women”. Just say that single, solitary word to any man and he just looks at you, rolls his eyes and shrugs his shoulders. If you are a male by just saying to another male that five letter word, “W O M E N”, the guy you are talking to knows exactly what you mean. You don’t need to add anything else. You and he have a DNA link, a commonality of experience, an instinctive bond and timeless knowledge of what is meant by saying that single word. “Women.” This common bond of shared knowledge and understanding no doubt started when humanoids first stood upright and began walking on hind legs. Long before fire was invented. You know very well that when the first male humanoid stood up and started to walk, the first male in the history of the Earth to walk on his hind legs, his female companion who is still using all four limbs to propel herself, looked up and asked “And where do you think you are going?”
All men know that we cannot understand or anticipate what the women in the sphere of our existence are doing, what they are thinking or how they will react to our statements and actions. Remember the blog entry I wrote on August 17th called “The Boss”. Well the Boss is not just your wife, it’s all women.
Today was an interesting day in regards to my interactions with Women. Consider the following:
- The Lovely Sharon left for week in Palm Desert (the weather there will be in the 80’s this week and the weather here in Salt Lake will be in the 50’s so she is gone). I will be working here in Salt Lake all week. Before she left, she told me to keep the kitchen clean, dust and take my pills. I am pretty sure if I left for a week I wouldn’t have the courage to tell her to keep the kitchen clean and dust.
- In response to my Narcissist blog entry of Sunday, my ex-wife (and still dear friend) responded from Brazil, (some 6,000 miles away) that I should knock off eating sausage burritos from McDonald’s. It was nice to hear from her, but the command to knock off the burritos from 6,000 miles away from someone who I have not been married to for 8 years made me sit up straight. I am thinking of sending her an email telling her to knock off eating Brazilian iguana burgers.
- Ms. X, the wife of the Lovely Sharon’s ex-husband, responded to my Narcissist blog by telling me she really didn’t call me a Narcissist (she is highly educated and smart person so I think she is trying to trick me). Maybe she is trying to hypnotize me through the blog so I will forget what was said.
- I walked into my seventh floor office after lunch today and Sheila, a legal assistant (not my legal assistant) is wearing a black outfit, standing in the corner of my office and looking north out my window. My office is on Second East and Second South in downtown Salt Lake. I asked Sheila what she was doing. She said she was looking down toward First South to see if she could see if there was a dead body in front of the old DeCondi’s furniture store. I said ok and started working on a merger agreement. After about 12 minutes with Sheila still in my office looking out the window I asked her if she saw any dead bodies, she said “No, not yet” but she did see a really tall guy who was getting a ticket from a policemen, on Third East. She ultimately left my office and I am sorry to say, no dead body was to be seen.
- Lyndee, another legal assistant at my office brought homemade cookies today. They were beautiful and were sitting on her counter in front of her cubicle. I went to get one and she said “No Way” and moved them away Ok she knows I have the blood sugar problem but it was just another example of another woman controlling a man’s life even if she is not married to that man
- After work, I went to the Tree House Athletic Club for a short workout. I was looking for a parking space and driving slowly down the rows in the parking lot. There was an open space at the far end of the row. A lady in a huge GMC SUV passed the open space and drove toward me. Since she passed the open space I thought great, she is just driving through the row on her way out and I will be able to get the open parking place. Then she stopped and right in front of me she did a three point turn of her GMC that turned into a seven point turn, reversed her course and drove to the empty space. I just sat there in stunned silence looking at her. For me it was like an out-of-body experience where I was looking down at myself and the seven point turn from some higher vantage point. I am pretty sure I could hear a voice whispering "Don't look at the white light." She ultimately got turned around, parked her car, got out, gave me smile and a friendly wave and walked off. Dumbstruck at what just happened, my soul reunited with my body, I smiled and waved back.
I have been home by myself tonight. I made a manly dinner. I am in the Bud Cave wearing a torn tee shirt and my boxer shorts watching Monday Night Football. I yelled at the TV when stupid plays were made. I played my guitar and sang Hank Williams, Jr. songs, loud and off key (that is how I sing, loud and off key). No women were telling me what to do, taking my parking place, changing the channel or looking for dead bodies. I have been in total control, doing what I wanted to do; doing manly things, no woman bossing me around.
Oh, by the way, after I made myself dinner I cleaned the kitchen and now I have to remember to take my pills before bed time.
All men know that we cannot understand or anticipate what the women in the sphere of our existence are doing, what they are thinking or how they will react to our statements and actions. Remember the blog entry I wrote on August 17th called “The Boss”. Well the Boss is not just your wife, it’s all women.
Today was an interesting day in regards to my interactions with Women. Consider the following:
- The Lovely Sharon left for week in Palm Desert (the weather there will be in the 80’s this week and the weather here in Salt Lake will be in the 50’s so she is gone). I will be working here in Salt Lake all week. Before she left, she told me to keep the kitchen clean, dust and take my pills. I am pretty sure if I left for a week I wouldn’t have the courage to tell her to keep the kitchen clean and dust.
- In response to my Narcissist blog entry of Sunday, my ex-wife (and still dear friend) responded from Brazil, (some 6,000 miles away) that I should knock off eating sausage burritos from McDonald’s. It was nice to hear from her, but the command to knock off the burritos from 6,000 miles away from someone who I have not been married to for 8 years made me sit up straight. I am thinking of sending her an email telling her to knock off eating Brazilian iguana burgers.
- Ms. X, the wife of the Lovely Sharon’s ex-husband, responded to my Narcissist blog by telling me she really didn’t call me a Narcissist (she is highly educated and smart person so I think she is trying to trick me). Maybe she is trying to hypnotize me through the blog so I will forget what was said.
- I walked into my seventh floor office after lunch today and Sheila, a legal assistant (not my legal assistant) is wearing a black outfit, standing in the corner of my office and looking north out my window. My office is on Second East and Second South in downtown Salt Lake. I asked Sheila what she was doing. She said she was looking down toward First South to see if she could see if there was a dead body in front of the old DeCondi’s furniture store. I said ok and started working on a merger agreement. After about 12 minutes with Sheila still in my office looking out the window I asked her if she saw any dead bodies, she said “No, not yet” but she did see a really tall guy who was getting a ticket from a policemen, on Third East. She ultimately left my office and I am sorry to say, no dead body was to be seen.
- Lyndee, another legal assistant at my office brought homemade cookies today. They were beautiful and were sitting on her counter in front of her cubicle. I went to get one and she said “No Way” and moved them away Ok she knows I have the blood sugar problem but it was just another example of another woman controlling a man’s life even if she is not married to that man
- After work, I went to the Tree House Athletic Club for a short workout. I was looking for a parking space and driving slowly down the rows in the parking lot. There was an open space at the far end of the row. A lady in a huge GMC SUV passed the open space and drove toward me. Since she passed the open space I thought great, she is just driving through the row on her way out and I will be able to get the open parking place. Then she stopped and right in front of me she did a three point turn of her GMC that turned into a seven point turn, reversed her course and drove to the empty space. I just sat there in stunned silence looking at her. For me it was like an out-of-body experience where I was looking down at myself and the seven point turn from some higher vantage point. I am pretty sure I could hear a voice whispering "Don't look at the white light." She ultimately got turned around, parked her car, got out, gave me smile and a friendly wave and walked off. Dumbstruck at what just happened, my soul reunited with my body, I smiled and waved back.
I have been home by myself tonight. I made a manly dinner. I am in the Bud Cave wearing a torn tee shirt and my boxer shorts watching Monday Night Football. I yelled at the TV when stupid plays were made. I played my guitar and sang Hank Williams, Jr. songs, loud and off key (that is how I sing, loud and off key). No women were telling me what to do, taking my parking place, changing the channel or looking for dead bodies. I have been in total control, doing what I wanted to do; doing manly things, no woman bossing me around.
Oh, by the way, after I made myself dinner I cleaned the kitchen and now I have to remember to take my pills before bed time.
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