Friday, April 2, 2010
Coffee Filters
I woke up at 4:17 a.m. I have a 7:30 a.m. phone conference with another lawyer in Salt Lake and some investment bankers in New York. Between now and then and I want to read the online news, read some email and documents related to the phone conference, write in this blog, and have a cup of coffee. Although, coffee is listed last in the list of tasks set forth above, in actuality, the first thing I want to do is make coffee so I can drink a cup while I do the other things. I walked into the kitchen put water in the black Cuisinart coffee maker and looked for the paper cone-shaped coffee filters. There weren’t any. We keep the coffee paraphernalia in a two shelf lazy-susan type of cupboard under the coffee pot. In this cupboard there is creamer, decaf coffee, regular coffee, travel coffee cups, sweetener and there are supposed to be filters. There are no filters. It is now 4:19 a.m. and there are no coffee filters in the coffee paraphernalia cupboard.
We have to have filters somewhere, but where? I look in the food pantry cupboard. I pull everything off the several shelves, guess what? No filters in there. I look in the drawer where we store baggies, garbage sacks etc. Surely there must be coffee filters in there. Oh contrar, there are no filters there. I then thought they must be in the storage pantry in the garage. I walk into the garage, open the pantry cupboard and I see all kinds of stuff in there but I don’t see coffee filters.
When we buy coffee filters at Costco, they come in 500 packs wrapped in clear plastic. You can’t miss them if they are on a shelf. If we buy the filters at a regular grocery store we buy the No. 4 cone-shaped Melitta filters in a green and red box. You know the brand. If you think cone shape coffee filters, you think of that green and red box. Those boxes hold a 100 filters. If you have a boxed stored, its distinctive green and red package is unmistakable. You see that box and you know what’s in it. I can find no green and red box of No.4 Melitta cone-shaped filters anywhere.
A scary thought comes to me, and I mean really scary. I need to wake up the Lovely Sharon (it’s now 4:30 a.m.), and ask her if we have any coffee filters. This is a highly risky thing to do. She does not like to get up early. She was at a birthday party last night attended only by women. Some 50 to 60 women were supposed to be there. Before the party I was told there might be some professional women golfers in attendance since the two birthday ladies were previously professional golfers. I was asleep when she arrived home so I did not hear the details of the party. It occurs to me that if I wake her up at 4:30 to ask if we have any coffee filters, the rest of the day will not go well. But I really would like to make me a cup of coffee. Yesterday’s filter is still in the coffee maker but it is still wet and filled with yesterday’s coffee grounds. There is no way I am gonna do a reuse. There have to be coffee filters somewhere in this house.
I am pacing around bare foot in a tee shirt and boxer shorts. They are nice boxer shorts. Sharon bought them for me for Halloween. They are black silk with ghosts and the words “Boo” printed all over them. Ok forget that, my shorts are not the issue here. The issue is the evasive coffee filters and my emotional dilemma of whether to wake the Lovely Sharon up or not. To be honest, I don’t know what to do. It might be safer to wake up a neighbor at 4:30 to see if they have any filters. But if I do that, I will have to put pants on. I really don’t want to put pants on at 4:30.
No I have three options, (i) wake up the Lovely Sharon, (ii) forget the coffee, or (iii) look one more time. If I go with alternative 1 what would be my strategy? I could tiptoe into the dark bedroom and nudge her awake. I have done this before and I must say, it usually does not go well if it’s before 7:30 a.m. She would not doubt ask “what?” in a sleepy but irritated voice. How would I respond? I guess I could say:
“Are you ok? You must have been having a bad dream? By the way do we have any coffee filters?”
If she was having a bad dream this could work. If she was not having a bad dream, I would be toast. I decide the “wake up” the Lovely Sharon alternative is in fact the worse alternative. I then consider not having coffee. This too is not an acceptable alternative. I decide to make one more search of the garage pantry.
I open the pantry door. I move stuff around, I look behind stuff. I see bottled water, chips, diet coke, crackers, and Fig Newtons. Hey wait, the Lovely Sharon is always hammering on me to eat better but yet I discover a hidden stash of Fig Newton cookies in the garage pantry behind a six pack of Perrier water. Maybe I “should” wake her up and discuss the Fig Newtons. What is she going to say?
“They are not mine. Someone must have broken into the garage and left them.”
I don’t think so, but I decide to let the Fig Newton issue alone and keep searching.
I see something. It’s not the Costco plastic package of filters nor is it the green and red Melitta box of filters. It’s an orange box of something. There are actually two identical orange boxes of something. The same size and shape as the Melitta box. I pick one up and read the label- Connaisseur # 4 cone coffee filters. There is a happy looking sun printed on the box. I know just how it feels. I now feel happy too.
I go back into the house and make the coffee. All things are right in Mudville. Now, on to reading the morning online news. Have a good day.
We have to have filters somewhere, but where? I look in the food pantry cupboard. I pull everything off the several shelves, guess what? No filters in there. I look in the drawer where we store baggies, garbage sacks etc. Surely there must be coffee filters in there. Oh contrar, there are no filters there. I then thought they must be in the storage pantry in the garage. I walk into the garage, open the pantry cupboard and I see all kinds of stuff in there but I don’t see coffee filters.
When we buy coffee filters at Costco, they come in 500 packs wrapped in clear plastic. You can’t miss them if they are on a shelf. If we buy the filters at a regular grocery store we buy the No. 4 cone-shaped Melitta filters in a green and red box. You know the brand. If you think cone shape coffee filters, you think of that green and red box. Those boxes hold a 100 filters. If you have a boxed stored, its distinctive green and red package is unmistakable. You see that box and you know what’s in it. I can find no green and red box of No.4 Melitta cone-shaped filters anywhere.
A scary thought comes to me, and I mean really scary. I need to wake up the Lovely Sharon (it’s now 4:30 a.m.), and ask her if we have any coffee filters. This is a highly risky thing to do. She does not like to get up early. She was at a birthday party last night attended only by women. Some 50 to 60 women were supposed to be there. Before the party I was told there might be some professional women golfers in attendance since the two birthday ladies were previously professional golfers. I was asleep when she arrived home so I did not hear the details of the party. It occurs to me that if I wake her up at 4:30 to ask if we have any coffee filters, the rest of the day will not go well. But I really would like to make me a cup of coffee. Yesterday’s filter is still in the coffee maker but it is still wet and filled with yesterday’s coffee grounds. There is no way I am gonna do a reuse. There have to be coffee filters somewhere in this house.
I am pacing around bare foot in a tee shirt and boxer shorts. They are nice boxer shorts. Sharon bought them for me for Halloween. They are black silk with ghosts and the words “Boo” printed all over them. Ok forget that, my shorts are not the issue here. The issue is the evasive coffee filters and my emotional dilemma of whether to wake the Lovely Sharon up or not. To be honest, I don’t know what to do. It might be safer to wake up a neighbor at 4:30 to see if they have any filters. But if I do that, I will have to put pants on. I really don’t want to put pants on at 4:30.
No I have three options, (i) wake up the Lovely Sharon, (ii) forget the coffee, or (iii) look one more time. If I go with alternative 1 what would be my strategy? I could tiptoe into the dark bedroom and nudge her awake. I have done this before and I must say, it usually does not go well if it’s before 7:30 a.m. She would not doubt ask “what?” in a sleepy but irritated voice. How would I respond? I guess I could say:
“Are you ok? You must have been having a bad dream? By the way do we have any coffee filters?”
If she was having a bad dream this could work. If she was not having a bad dream, I would be toast. I decide the “wake up” the Lovely Sharon alternative is in fact the worse alternative. I then consider not having coffee. This too is not an acceptable alternative. I decide to make one more search of the garage pantry.
I open the pantry door. I move stuff around, I look behind stuff. I see bottled water, chips, diet coke, crackers, and Fig Newtons. Hey wait, the Lovely Sharon is always hammering on me to eat better but yet I discover a hidden stash of Fig Newton cookies in the garage pantry behind a six pack of Perrier water. Maybe I “should” wake her up and discuss the Fig Newtons. What is she going to say?
“They are not mine. Someone must have broken into the garage and left them.”
I don’t think so, but I decide to let the Fig Newton issue alone and keep searching.
I see something. It’s not the Costco plastic package of filters nor is it the green and red Melitta box of filters. It’s an orange box of something. There are actually two identical orange boxes of something. The same size and shape as the Melitta box. I pick one up and read the label- Connaisseur # 4 cone coffee filters. There is a happy looking sun printed on the box. I know just how it feels. I now feel happy too.
I go back into the house and make the coffee. All things are right in Mudville. Now, on to reading the morning online news. Have a good day.
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